Perfectly formed: Alexis Fretz holds the tiny hand of her son Walter
A Pennsylvania mother who gave birth to her son at 19 weeks posted her story and photographs on her blog to
share with friends and family, but her brave choice has spread way
beyond her immediate circle to bring comfort to other grieving mothers.
Alexis Fretz was 30 years old and 19 weeks pregnant with her third child when she began bleeding lightly.
Not
overly worried, she called her midwife and as a precaution was advised
to head to the ER in a Kokomo, Indiana hospital for a check-up. By the
end of the day, her son Walter had been born and died in her arms.
Fretz
had no inkling that the day, which began with a pedicure and lunch with
a friend and bride-to-be whose wedding she was supposed to photograph
the following day, would end in such devastating loss.
In
a waiting room in the hospital, Fretz was given three glasses of water
to drink in preparation for an ultrasound. Soon after, she began to feel
the first twinges of pain.
A few minutes after 6pm, 'I knew I was in labor, there was no doubt in my mind,' wrote Fretz on her blog.
Nurses
were sceptical and she was finally taken for her ultrasound at 7pm.
Fretz felt heartened when the technician found a heartbeat, but soon her
bleeding increased and the pain of her contractions intensified.
Taken too soon: Walter's tiny heart was still beating as his mother and father said their goodbyes
Closure: Joshua Fretz and his wife Alexis say being able to hold their son and say goodbye has helped their healing process
The
ultrasound technician told her husband when Fretz was out of the room,
'I’m sorry, and I don’t want her to see me crying, but I will be praying
for you.'
'At
this point there was no break between the contractions. Just as one
finished another would start. I knew that I was at the end. I didn't
give up hope, but in my heart of hearts, I knew that I was losing my
baby.
'At
some point the PA came in and said "your foetus is still viable." I
seriously wanted to slap her. When the doctor checked me and sat down
beside me on the bed and told me that we were going to be delivering our
baby, it was the first that anyone had called him a baby.
'I immediately started bawling and asking if there was any other option,' she wrote.
Walter Joshua Fretz was born at 9:42pm.
Family: The Fretzes also wanted their two daughters to be able to farewell their longed-for brother
Discussion:
Alexis Fretz says pre-term labor and miscarriage aren't spoken about
and many women are not given an opportunity to grieve after losing a
baby early in pregnancy
'I was crying so hard at this point but he was perfect. He was fully formed and everything was there, I could see his heart beating in his tiny chest,' wrote Fretz. At some point, Fretz's husband Joshua went to her car and retrieved the camera she was going to shoot her friend's wedding on and took photographs of the couple's first son. 'I am so very glad that Joshua [did that]. At first I did not want any photos, but they are the only thing I have to look back on now,' Fretz wrote. 'I held him, cuddled him, while his heart was beating I held him to my heart, I counted his toes and kissed his tiny head. I will always cherish those memories that I have of him.'
Beloved son: Fretz says the term 'fetus' is insulting, and that her son was a baby, even though he was so tiny
Fretz
shared the confronting yet touching images not to cause controversy,
but to open up discussion about a tragedy that affects more than 1
million American women each year: pre-term labor.
'Pre-term labour and infant loss is not something the public wants to talk about,' says Fretz. 'To most people it's not a big deal, you just try again for another baby, so they pretend it never happened and go on with their lives while the mother and family are left in a pile of grief they don't know how to deal with.
Credit: Daily Mail
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